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What Gay and Bi Men Really Want
Are physical and sexual attraction the most appealing qualities in a partner? Or are unseen qualities like good manners and reliability the most attractive?
Following on from his research into what direct women want and what straight men want, D&M Research’s managing director Derek Jones has taken the next logical step with his latest study into what gay and bi(sexual) men want.
In order to dig deeper and sketch out a true list of turn-ons and turn-offs for gay and bi men, Derek once again used of the Im-Ex Polygraph method. He originally devised this method of analysis to distinguish what people say they want from brands, products or services from what they really want by comparing stated versus derived measures of importance.
Qualities the homosexual and bi men said they desired in a partner (‘stated’) were compared to the qualities offer in example celebrities they nominated as attractive (‘implied’). The same comparison was made between stated and implied negative qualities, to determine what attributes are really the biggest turn-offs.
10 Things Gay Men Should Discuss
Top 10 Things Homosexual Men Should Discuss with Their Healthcare Provider
Following are the health issues GLMA&#x;s healthcare providers have identified as most commonly of concern for gay men. While not all of these items apply to everyone, it&#x;s wise to be aware of these issues.
1. Come Out to Your Primary Healthcare Provider
In order to provide you with the best look after possible, your primary nurture provider should know you are gay. Knowing your sexual orientation and sexual behaviors will help your healthcare provider offer the correct preventative screenings, and order the appropriate tests. If your provider does not seem comfortable with you as a same-sex attracted man, find another supplier. You can consult the LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory for aid finding a provider.
2. Reducing the Risk of Getting or Transmitting HIV
Many men who have sex with men are at an increased risk of getting HIV, but the ability to prevent the acquisition and transmission of HIV has improved drastically in recent years. If you are living with HIV, anti-HIV medications can support
Many gay men grew up feeling ashamed of not conforming to cultural expectations about “real boys” or “real men.” Especially during middle and high educational facility, they may contain been bullied or publicly humiliated because of their difference—made to feel love outsiders and not “one of the boys.” They may have found it easier relating to women than men, though they didn’t fully belong to the girl team, either.
Every gay guy I’ve seen in my practice over the years has had a conflicted, troubled relationship with his own masculinity, often shaping his behavior in destructive ways. Writing for Vice, Jeff Leavell captures the dynamic nicely: “Queer people, especially gay men, are known for dealing with a slew of self-doubts and anxieties in noxious ways. Same-sex attracted men are liable to feel incredibly insecure over their masculinity, a caring of internalized homophobia that leads them to idolize 'masc 4 masc', 'gaybros' and [to] shame and oppress femme men.”
Here we watch one of the most common defenses against shame: getting rid of it by offloading or projecting it onto somebody else; in this case, one
Photo credit: Shed Mojahid
Article by Hugo Mega (edited by Alyssa Lepage)
I used to think that “coming out” was going to be the hardest part of existence gay. That, being free to be me, I could finally stop pretending. I would be able to drop the heteronormative disguise that I used to wear, to ensure that I belonged and that I felt safe. Little did I recognize that in the years that followed, more often than not, I would find myself butch-ing up, trying to be more masculine than what I naturally was. How did I discover myself here again?
Like walking on thin ice, any false transfer I made, could easily cast me back into a loop of old patterns that condition my ways of being and behaving without me even seeing it.
Tired of this self-limiting pattern, I decided to confront my beliefs around masculinity. Since then I’ve been engaged in deconstructing my conditioning and notions of what it means to be a man. In the process of deconstructing my beliefs it was difficult to avoid one’s own toxic masculinity. I used to believe that being homosexual absolved me from being toxic like many straight man ca